....I create this. 

In my dreams, I see this. But when I try to recreate it....

Your story evolves as it travels through the crucible of dramatic surrender. The image of a crucible, or furnace, is the sacred cathedral where sacred fire purifies the inner imagination. The Fire Thief imagined a world where his circumstances would make sense. The Thief wanted to be able to explain all things. The Thief imagined that this new reality would aleviate the dynamic tension between the "world-as-you-wish-it-were," and "world-as-it-is." The Fire Thief aspired to invent a better world of circumstances than the one that God had placed him in. Eventually, The Thief finds that the alternate world is a prision. The folly of competing with God is renounced and The Thief uses sacred fire to burn down the false reality. This is the stage of the journey where the story of repentance is told. The Fire Thief stops imagining things that compete with God. The Thief returns the sacred fire that was stolen from its proper place. This is the story of surrender. The Thief is set free from the alternate world that he had created. The Fire Thief has learned that there can be only one reality.